Last week, former NBA great Dwight Howard attracted criticism for his parenting tactics after posting a brief video of his kid being trained by his father in their home gym.
In the Instagram video, the former Orlando Magic all-star is seen pedalling a stationary bike with his 9-year-old kid. The youngster is distressed, screaming out that he can’t do another rep on the bike, but Howard strokes his chest and assures him that he can. “I’m just teaching my kids what it means to be resilient, determined, and disciplined,” the caption says.
The boy’s demeanour alters by the third round. His expression is determined. There will be no sobbing. He finishes and gets off the bike, and his father comments, “Good job.”
However, the comments section of the article is packed with some labelling the moment “torture” and “abusive,” while others praise Howard for being a caring father.
“(This is) what a lot of the youth suffer from not having these days,” one commenter said. “From dad to dad.” Thank you very much.”
Which is it, then? Is Dwight Howard a monster for exhausting his kid or a hero for guiding him through adversity?
This two-wheeled storm highlights a few things about contemporary parenting, particularly when parenting is witnessed on the internet.
First, there is a propensity to believe that one instance of parenting is the whole of a person’s parenting. It isn’t. It’s OK if Dwight Howard or anybody else does something you wouldn’t do to your kid. There are probably a thousand additional things he does that resemble your parenting.
Second, there is a current inclination, exacerbated by social media, to believe that every bad event is trauma. No, it does not. Here’s Anthony Lindsey, a former reality TV star, commenting on the post: “He’s riding a bike in an air conditioned mansion.” You all behave as though he’s being beaten.”
Everyone has a personal threshold for how far they are prepared to push their children. What Howard was doing, in my opinion, is what parents, particularly fathers, are meant to do.
Howard’s kid will face challenges throughout his life. Pushing him above his perceived limitations in a controlled atmosphere is not abuse. It teaches him what his body and mind are capable of. And, although it may be unpopular to mention it these days, this is one area where fathers may excel. There’s a strong reason to let them, rather than pathologizing masculinity, as the American Psychological Association did in 2018, proclaiming “traditional masculinity” with its focus on adventure and danger, among other things, to be “on the whole, harmful.”
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As parenting practises in America evolved from helicopter hovering to snowplough obstacle-clearing, research reveals that making life simple for your children is detrimental for both parents and children.
Intensive parenting requires parents to devote more time and money to parenting, with unclear results. According to several research, college students with “over-controlling parents reported significantly higher levels of depression and less satisfaction with life,” since they lost out on developing independence, grit, and executive function when they are allowed to try and fail on their own. Teaching children that routine or mildly unpleasant events are hazardous and traumatic may have long-term consequences for their emotional development, since they are prone to being apprehensive when confronted with modest barriers.
Perhaps it was the physical character of Howard’s parenting that made some people uneasy. Learning to channel and temper physical aggressiveness and daredevil qualities in the presence of a father, on the other hand, is one way young boys grow into healthy men.
“You only have a limited time with them to instill the values you want to instill,” Spartan Race creator Joe DeSena remarked of pushing his own children to their physical limitations. When making a choice, I always recommend taking the difficult path. Consider if this is the simple or difficult thing to accomplish. Do the difficult thing. You are doing your children a disservice if you do not expose them to difficult situations.”
It takes practise to do the difficult thing. Starting with modest challenges as a youngster, whether it’s performing burpees in the backyard or completing a school assignment without Mom painting styrofoam planets for you, is a good foundation.
In the meanwhile, Howard shows no indications of wilting in the face of criticism. He has subsequently uploaded two additional videos of himself working out with all of his children. In the most current video, he’s showing them how to execute a box jump. They clearly believe it is too high for them, as they each hesitate before attempting it.
Howard, on the other hand, clutches his daughter’s hand as she successfully completes her leap. When his son takes his mark, he jumps neatly onto the top of the box, and all the youngsters scream in applause as Howard shines in the background.
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